Tag: TARDIS

Categories
Essay

The Magician’s Apprentice: From Kahn to Skaro

Doctor Who: Genesis of the Daleks

Series 9 of Doctor Who started off with a bang, delivering the good, the bad and the WTF we’ve come to expect. “The Magician’s Apprentice” is half of a 2-part story. Here’s what I got out of the season’s big premiere.

Have You Ever Seen a Hand Mine?

When done well, the time travel genre can express character transformation. Look what it did for Phil Connors in Groundhog Day. This might be the best example of the Doctor “making his own monster” since The Face of Evil.

Of course Kanzo, the compassionate black soldier, had to die saving the cute white kid. As a product of British culture, Doctor Who has always been tone-deaf to race. Tomb of the Cybermen has the big, dumb, black manservant Toberman. The Talons of Weng-Chiang (fourth Doctor) and Four to Doomsday (fifth Doctor) use the term “china man” as tool of oppression. Even in the Russell T Davies era “The Shakespeare Code ,” the Doctor dismisses Martha’s logical concerns about becoming a slave (which was later picked up in “Human Nature”/”Family of Blood.“)

“Hand mine” is a great pun. I thought the creatures were a copy of that child-eating monster from Pan’s Labyrinth (2006) Turns out that was inspired by Tenome, a mythical creature from the Japanese picture book series Gazu Hyakki Yakō (“The Illustrated Night Parade of A Hundred Demons,” published in 1776.)

Davros Remembers

The Maldovarian bar scene is a sustained cliché. Was that Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes playing “My Angel Put the Devil in Me” in the background? Like Pepperidge Farm, Davros remembers. But why does he send Colony Sarff all over the universe like an intergalactic thug-a-gram? “Tell me what I want to know, or I’ll do something…cinematic!” He should’ve called the Twelfth Cyber Legion; they seemed to know everything in A Good Man Goes To War” (written by Steven Moffat). Davros could have delivered his cryptic message more efficiently with email, chat, or GoToMeeting.

Then there’s the “super powered servant” cliché. The earliest example I can think of is Silver Surfer (Fantastic Four #48–50, 1966). The Surfer, however, did reconnaissance for a real “destroyer of worlds.” Colony Sarff is more pointless than Luca Brasi.

Why can’t the Doctor have super powered companions?

What are Colony Sarff’s superpowers, anyway? They seem like the Mara from Kinda, who could manipulate the weakened Davros. How’d he get past those scary Judoon to break into the Shadow Proclamation? In typical new Who plot sloppiness, show runners hope the scene is too awesome for us to care how it happened…or that we don’t remember past episodes. It’s like they don’t know their audience.

It Saves Time

The banter between the Doctor and High Priestess Ohila was terrific. Although she wasn’t alive when the fourth Doctor met the Sisterhood in The Brain of Morbius, their personal friendship seems almost that long. She certainly isn’t fazed by his compulsive lying. Her plea shows a sad, helpless frustration of not being able to stop a loved one from self-destruction. Quoting a Rilo Kiley line, the Doctor seemed as “ready to go” as he did at the end of Planet of the Spiders. Moffat being Moffat, he almost ruined this with his sappy “you can never lose a friend” line.

It’s too bad Moffat decided the High Priestess couldn’t be Ohica, played by Gillian Brown in The Brain of Morbius. Hiring Ms. Brown to reprise the role would have been a nice touch.

#ThePlanesHaveStopped

Clara Oswald is still a horrible teacher. How would “Jane Austin’s a phenomenal kisser” not get her fired? A real teacher wouldn’t have time for Danny or the Doctor. In a credibility nose-dive from An Unearthly Child, last season’s portrayal of teaching is less believable than time travel and “little blue men with three heads.”

Without turning the show into Room 222 or The Secret Life of the American Teenager, this could have been fixed by giving each story a brief moment to Clara’s job preparation. She could have graded on the TARDIS, bounced ideas off P.E. over dinner, or confided with her grandmother (which would have made amazing for both generations of independent women).

UNIT is just as clumsy and indiscrete as they were under the Brig. Those morons outed Clara as a government operative. I’m beginning to think the MI6 passed on Kate Stewart’s resume. In an even bigger WTF moment, the woman who was ready to blow up the world in “Day of the Doctor” is insecure plot device, deferring to the worst high school teacher since Henry “Indiana” Jones.

We have Sir Arthur Conan Doyle to thank for the “gifted amateur” being smarter than trained professionals. In his world, police are incompetent, authority figures are mean, and women are mysterious at best.

Sherlock Holmes‘ super power was “Holmesian deduction, solving crimes with forensic science (fingerprints, anthropometry, toxicology and ballistics.) When the first novel was published in 1887, however, Scotland Yard was using forensic science for 60 years (chemistry in 1832, bullet comparison in 1835.) Perhaps this inspired the phrase “No shit, Sherlock.”

Kate should’ve applied the BBC’s 1960s archive policy to Clara’s memory again, and calmly lead the UNIT geeks into finding the Doctor.

I hope they show how Missy survived “Death in Heaven” in next week’s conclusion. “Not dead, back, big surprise, never mind” is just damn lazy. Worse, it took me out of the story. Even a lame, hacked-out super villain escape story is better than none.

On the positive, this might be the best exploration of the Doctor/Master relationship since the unproduced The Final Game. Missy’s definition of friendship vague, evades her love of bloodshed, but hints at just enough to be intriguing. Clara’s “I’m the tin dog” moment was delightful.

You Said You Wanted an Axe Fight

Guilt of creating Davros throws the Doctor into a downward spiral, much like Tony Stark in Iron Man 2. His emotional “party like it’s 1999” breakdown is jarring to watch, almost like a reality show. (Bors could have been played by Gary Busey.) In this context, especially with the “all of me” line, Capaldi’s electric guitar is a logical connection to Troughton’s flute.

Why are there no consequences for bringing 21st century technology and slang to the 12th century? Are the Reapers too busy chasing The Monk?

A Thousand Years of Fighting

The Doctor’s explanation of the Daleks is more compelling and human than past serials. Using footage from Genesis of the Daleks was a stroke of genius. Michelle Gomez’ Missy is a lot like Tom Baker’s Doctor: they both speak in riddles, have to prove their intelligence every moment, and delightfully infuriate the people they’re trying to help. Davros’ “Do you know why you came, Doctor” is reminiscent of the manipulative Oracle’s “…you’ve already made the choice. Now you have to understand it.”

Stray Thoughts

Yes, I ran out of time. Shut up.

  • Why would any modern action hero use the term “archenemy”?
  • Picking up from “Last Christmas,” someone calls the Doctor a magician.
  • The Skaro reveal is cool, complete with the “Stolen Earth” soundtrack.
  • The red/gold Dalek looks like Iron Man.
  • The Doctor panics over Clara…why? Why would he beg Davros to save Clara’s life? This seems like a repeat of “Stolen Earth.”
  • Missy’s sales pitch to the Daleks is consistent with the classic Who Master.
  • Why would the Daleks bring the TARDIS to Skaro to destroy it…why not destroy it on Earth in 1138?
  • Does every show runner get to create a dismissible black boyfriend?
Categories
Essay

The TARDIS: a Time Lord Lifemate

“…You call Me ‘Sexy’.” There is something sensuous about the angles and curves of the console, the way one’s hand would maneuver dials and levers — something tantalizingly mysterious in placing travel through all of time and space into TARDIS hands. Before you claim that the TARDIS is simply a machine, purely AI at best, be assured that a TARDIS is a “living, semi-sentient creature.” fully capable of developing affection for alien or human beings. The TARDIS is birthed from a form of Distributed Cluster Algebra — block mathematics — originally devised by the people of Logopolis. Incubated in Dimensionally Transcendental Cradles (located in the Gallifrey Black Hole Shipyard), the young TARDIS spends a decade using transdimensional engineering to grow its interior and exterior shells. At ten, the Time Lords implant the temporal drive and the chameleon circuit as well as either XX or XY circuitry for gender. A male TARDIS, however, is rare. Less than 1 of 100 become male, based on the fact that only 1 out of 80 Time Lords are female. It appears that to date, TARDIS/Time Lord relationships are only heterosexual in nature.

Despite the contention that a TARDIS is grown and not built, the plaque of each TARDIS states:

TARDIS
Time and Relative Dimension in Space
Build Site: Gallifrey Black hole Shipyard
Type ## Build Date: ####
Authorized for use by qualified Time Lords only
By the Shadow Proclamation
Misuse or Theft of any TARDIS
Will result in extreme penalties and possible exile

It is common knowledge that a TARDIS chooses its Time Lord. Though, there is some indication that certain Gallifreyans with a symbiotic nuclei may purchase a TARDIS. The symbiotic nuceli is a modification of biodata completed at the Time Lord Academies. At this crucial point, let us look at the Rassilon Imprimature, a “symbiotic bond of transcendent biomechanics” that is at the root of a connection so intimate, it can be described as sexual.

“Warning. It is useless to try operating this machine until the correct telepathic link has been established. This link is known only to the Owner of this Type 40. Attempts to tamper with the control console will be met with the strongest possible retaliation.”
TARDIS Type 40 Master Control Console Operating and Repair Manual

Once this bond is established, the link makes Time Lord and TARDIS one — inseparable “soulmates.”

The intimate nature of the relationship between Time Lord and TARDIS was shown well in “The Doctor’s Wife” (written by Neil Gaiman). In this 4th episode of the 6th series, the TARDIS was portrayed physically by Suranne Jones. The heart and soul of the TARDIS is drained and replaced into a woman named Idris, chosen for this by House, the sentient asteroid where the Doctor has landed. When Idris first sees the Doctor (Matt Smith), she kisses him, then bites him. She refers to him as her “thief.” “Thief” is a reference to the canon that the first Doctor has stolen this TARDIS, though there are varying stories as to how the theft came about. The Doctor and Idris create a visible bond that emanates their love for each other. The human body, however, cannot withstand the drain of the TARDIS core, and eventually Idris succumbs to her weakening and dies, while the matrix is released back into the main control room. One final, emotional conversation with the Doctor ensues as the TARDIS matrix projects itself onto Idris’s body. The conversation is tender and heartbreaking, ending with the matrix’s whispered words, “I love you.”

Though this is not the first time that the TARDIS has taken physical form, the utilization of the word wife and the nature of the communication between Idris and the Doctor has been said to cement the relationship of intimacy that a Time Lord and its TARDIS share. Previously, the TARDIS has taken on the form of Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, a sentient TARDIS named Compassion, and Rose Tyler in the well-known episode, “Bad Wolf.”

The TARDIS, like sentient beings, is bigger on the inside. Exploring the corridors and rooms is guided by gentle light. The TARDIS, like compassionate beings, does not want an individual to become lost. Yes, the TARDIS is sexy, and the TARDIS does its best to protect; but perhaps a TARDIS recognizes the reciprocal balance, beauty, and intense power of love too.

“Call Me Sexy” illustration by Paul Hanley

Categories
Fan Fiction

A Visit from The Doctor

art by david marshall
Collage

The Toyota Prius skidded around the corner and came to a stop in front of FrankenTech headquarters. Smoke came out of the driver’s side door as it popped open, a young dark-haired girl tumbling out onto the sidewalk waving her hand in front of her face while coughing.

“Doctor! I think we’re going to have to stay here for a while. I don’t think that the TA−”

“Yes, Susan, I think everyone in the general vicinity should know the name of our ship.”

The driver was a woman, blonde, probably in her fifties and a little bit taller than the girl. She was dressed in formal business attire, as if about to perform some serious corporate raid within the offices. Susan reached into the back seat of the car, pulled out a briefcase and a coat and handed it to the woman.

“That’s a good granddaughter now step back. I just hope that smoke doesn’t indicate any damage to the Chameleon Circuit. It’s been acting up lately.” The woman looked around, saw no one, then pressed a button on her wand-like device. The car shook, rattled, then shrank to the size of a toy. Susan put it in her pocket. “Now, we have a mutant to see!”

“Really Grandmama?”

“Yes, I received a strong psychic message in a dream last night.” She raised her finger in the air dramatically, “there is a problem here that needs our attention!”

They walked through the revolving doors into the large glass-enclosed lobby of the FrankenTech World Headquarters. Susan read from a small device in her hand. “FrankenTech is a rather successful small corporation that has sprung up out of nowhere in just under a year. They have several major patents from their founder Dr. Peter Franken, hence the name FrankenTech. Not much more is known about the company except that they constructed this building very quickly and have been growing at an incredible rate ever since.”

“Hmmmm, sounds like an evil operation,” mused the Doctor. “Most corporations start slowly. When they grow quickly it is rarely a sign of connection to a higher power. This can’t be good.”

“Shouldn’t we do more research, Grandmama? This could be a trap!”

“We’ll let them think it is a trap, then turn it around on them!”

A tall blonde woman was standing off to the right looking straight ahead, moving her fingers in the air as if practicing a piano. Susan pointed her out. “Look Grandmama, a crazy woman, maybe we can talk to her.”

They walked over to her and the Doctor smiled, “May I help you young lady? I’m the doctor. Would you like to sit down?

“Oh no. I’m just typing a report on a virtual computer.” She tapped her head. “People think I’m nuts all the time. Give me just a second …” She returned to her typing. “There! All done!” She let her arms fall to her sides, then looked up in shock. “Oh my god … Susan … Susan Forman?”

“How do you know my name?”

The tall blonde looked at the other woman, “But … who are … you? NO! You can’t be! Not THE Doctor.”

The woman next to Susan looked at her and then at the tall blonde and then back at Susan. “Well, I AM a doctor, yes, yes, that is true.”

“Yes,” agreed Susan, “my grandmother IS a doctor. Correct me if I am wrong, but this is the end of the twentieth century? It is common for women to be doctors, isn’t it Grandmama?”

“Of course it is Susan. I think this young woman does need to sit down. Perhaps she does need a doctor? Perhaps a hospital? Perhaps a psychiatric hospital? I hear that the Boston area has many fine hospitals in the twenty−”

“It’s the twenty-first century for Christ sake! It’s two thousand and−”

The Doctor moved in closer and put her hand over the woman’s mouth, “No sense in causing a scene. Lets talk. There is more to you then you let on. Where we can talk in private?”

The tall blonde shook her head and the Doctor removed her hand. “My name is Christina Vortex, I work here. Let’s use my office. It’s not safe, but nowhere is and there isn’t much time so let’s go!”

Soon they were in her fourth floor office, a pleasant one with a nice view of the Charles River. Christina tapped a few keys in the air, “I was just ordering tea for us, though in a hurry we can always make time for tea.”

“Tea would be wonderful!” said the Doctor and Susan shook her head in agreement.

“How convenient!” said the Doctor, “I should install one of those. What do you think, Susan?”

“I don’t know Grandmama, we shouldn’t muck about with computers in our heads.”

Christina frowned, “I’d give anything to spend about a week chatting with you, but we have an emergency! Our computer system is under attack!”

“Oh really!” said the Doctor. “A virus?”

“Well … yes and no. Look at the screen here.” She turned and a very large image was projected on the wall next to them as the lights dimmed. A huge room with banks of computers that looked like…”

“Bee hives?” Said the Doctor.

“Yes!” answered Vortex. In the basement we have the most advanced computer server farm in the world. No one outside the company knows about it.” The projection showed small creatures swimming in the liquid around the boxes.

“Ahhh, I see your problem!” Exclaimed the Doctor. “Susan, remember the people on that world with the computer core? They had the same problem?”

“Ohh, I see your problem,” exclaimed the Doctor, moving closer to the screen. “Susan remember the people with the computer system that filled the core of their world?”

“Oh yes! They had that infestation! Ewwww, very nasty! But didn’t they end up−”

“Yes … yes, but I’ve had time to think it over and I am sure that we won’t have to destroy an entire planet to solve the problem this time!”

Vortex went white in the face. “She’s just trying to be funny, right?”

The Doctor stood up, waving her arms. “Oh, of course! Don’t worry, child! Get us some SCUBA gear and your Piranha problem will be gone in a jiffy!

“Piranha problem?”

“Data Piranhas! Nasty little creatures but not too difficult to get rid of if you know how. Right Susan?”

Susan looked worried for a moment and then smiled at Vortex, “Sure Grandmama, just like on Trilex Seven.”

She led the Doctor and Susan to the computer room door, standing near them as they put on their wet suits and checked the breathing gear.

“I have clearance from our CEO for you to fix this. He doesn’t know who you are, and would only interrupt you with a million questions if he did.”

“Why in Odin’s name would he have any interest in me?” asked the Doctor as she finished putting on her air tank. Susan also looked confused.

Vortex shook her head and waved her hands, “never mind, it’s too complicated! I won’t be able to tell him about any of this because he’ll kill me for not telling him WHO you are. Hee, hee, hee.” She started laughing and bent over. The Doctor and Susan put their hands on their hips and stared at her.

“Susan, I think we need to get you back to a more reasonable time period after this is over and get you into a proper school.”

Vortex straightened up with a look of wonder. “Oh! I have a suggestion! The spring of 1963, England! Susan will get a wonderful education there and it is a wonderful stable environment and you will fit in there, I promise! It is … just the place to start off a new adventure, a new life for yourselves!”

Standing in their wetsuits, the Doctor and Susan looked off into the distance. “Yes! That does sound like a very good idea Miss Vortex, food for thought! Thank you. Now, Susan, once again into battle we go!”

“Doctor, it was a pleasure meeting you,” said Christina as she shook Susan’s hand.

She did the same for the Doctor but, while holding her hand, pulled her close, bent her over and kissed her on the mouth with passion. When she pulled her back up the Doctor frowned. “Sorry Doctor but I had to. No self-respecting girl could pass up a chance to lock lips with you, even in your current incarnation.”

She turned and pointed at the viewing windows, “As you noted earlier, because of the appearance of the computers in the room we call it ‘The Hive’. The liquid isn’t water, but a type of mineral oil. It won’t hurt you, but swallowing it might give you a tummy ache.”

The Doctor shook her head while putting on the SCUBA mask, showing her displeasure. “Certainly Miss Vortex.” Grumbled the Doctor.

“Oh, don’t be mad at me, please Doctor! I’m sorry! Please forgive me!”

“Oh all right Miss Vortex, you are forgiven!

The Doctor and Susan entered the Hive. Once they were in, Vortex pressurized the door. A warning bell sounded. Over the intercom Vortex said, “The door is sealed. The chamber will fill with mineral oil. When it is ready, the other door will automatically open and you can enter. You might get swarmed by Data Piranhas.”

“Yes?”

“You have the ship, right?”

She held up the tiny car and replied, “Right here.”

“Good. Now follow the plan to the letter. It will look bad, but there is no other way.”

“Yes Grandmama.”

The mineral oil rose over their heads, the alarm sounded and the door opened.

An eerie green light flooded the Hive. The rows of computer boxes seemed to trail off into infinity. The Doctor and Susan looked back at Miss Vortex, who pointed to their right.

What looked like a cloud formed in the distance, becoming larger as it moved toward them. Susan moved back to the corner with the window to her back, and allowed the small model car to fall to the floor of The Hive keeping her eyes on it. The Doctor swam toward the approaching swarm.

The Data Piranhas did not increase in size as they got closer. They were only tiny bits of matter and they attacked the Doctor who swam away from Susan to draw them away. On cue she focused on the tiny model car as it landed on the floor of The Hive.

Suddenly in place of the tiny car a tall, blue box appeared. It looked something like an old wooden telephone booth and was styled after a 1960s London police box. Susan had expected a car but the call box was likely since they were thinking of going to England in the 1960s, the TARDIS Chameleon Circuit had made it’s choice.

The cloud, sensing the vast computing power of the TARDIS swarmed it in seconds as the Doctor swam over next to Susan in front of the window. Both of them gave a ‘V’ symbol with finger to Vortex on the other side of the glass. She returned a thumbs up.

Then a low hum began to fill the air that Christina could feel in her chest. She bent over in pain. The Doctor waved frantically at her to get away from the glass as she grabbed Susan. Vortex ran down the hall and jumped through the doorway into the adjoining hallway and closed the water tight door behind her just as she heard a low thumping sound from the other side of the door.

The warning panel beside her informed her that The Hive had gone critical. The supposedly unbreakable transparent aluminum had broken allowing the mineral oil to flood the hallway. A protective metal wall came down within nanoseconds of the transparent aluminum’s rupture and The Hive was already almost entirely refilled with mineral oil to prevent the computers from overheating. The panel beside her also informed her that in just a few minutes the hallway would be drained of the oil and she would be able to re-enter.

She looked at the panel, “Security will be here in twenty-three minutes, wonderful.” A bell sounded and she opened the door and walked back into the hallway, stepping over squares of oily glass. Laying on the floor were the Doctor and Susan, their wetsuits cut and bloody but they were both moving and getting up.

The Doctor removed her mouth piece and mask to reveal that her hair had turned white. “Plan A failed, looks like Plan B is going to have to be put into play. At least we won’t have to deal with those silly little car doors.” She stood up and helped Susan up. “Ready?”

They both walked over to the entrance to The Hive and the Doctor turned back to Vortex a second time. “I’m afraid this will be the final goodbye Christina. If we fail this time I don’t see any escape for us. And if we do fail I don’t hold out much hope for the rest of you, only a rather large thermonuclear device would be able to stop these creatures and doubt that you have−”

Christina Vortex sadly nodded, “Yeah, we got one right underneath The Hive. My boss can be very paranoid. So if you fail there will be a final solution. Not to put any pressure on you.”

“All right then!” said the Doctor, slapping her oily hands together, “Then we have no other option Susan, we must succeed with plan B! Onward!” They went into the chamber and pulled it shut behind them.

Vortex went to a computer view screen to watch as the Doctor and Susan returned to The Hive. A few of the front servers were damaged but otherwise there was little destruction. The TARDIS was undamaged. As before, Susan swam toward the blue box and the Doctor swam away from it, drawing a dark swarm again.

The black cloud swarmed the Doctor until she could no longer be seen. Within the blackness, a bright explosion blew the Data Piranhas away from the unmoving, glowing shape of the Doctor. Then the agitated swarm turned to attack Susan but the doors of the TARDIS opened allowing the Data Piranhas inside.

Following the swarm, Susan took the Doctor’s glowing body inside. The blue box floated in the liquid for what seemed an eternity and then the doors opened again. Susan floated out with a clear cube in hand. Inside was a swarm of tiny black dots, the Data Piranhas imprisoned! She gave Christina the V sign and with a final wave returned to the TARDIS, closing the doors behind her. A creaking, wheezing mechanical sound filled the room, then faded away. Christina Vortex fell to her knees and cried.

“My god …” she whispered as she sat with her back to the wall. “… that sound … so beautiful.” She raised her hands and began to type. Through her tears, she wrote the fictitious report telling her boss how she single-handedly resolved the strange data problem in The Hive.

The End

“A Visit from the Doctor” collage by David Marshall, inspired by Pete Zale.